There has been so much rattling around my head of late and also plenty of varying emotions. I must have looked a little ordinary the other day because an older lady at the supermarket said to me, "oh, the last couple of weeks of school holidays, they are really tough! Good luck."
WOW. Either I had been firmly instructing my children on how to behave, or perhaps I had that air of someone who could lose their cool any second, just watch out. Either way, I thought, she is right! For us down south, we have had our long, summer, school holiday break and it is nearing a close. I am finding that my children, who are not used to spending quite that many hours together, are getting snitchy at each other and I am forever having to negotiate some outburst or another. On top of that, I am a bit of a mean mother, and haven't provided every day packed full of excitement, but have been encouraging them to entertain themselves. This has had varied success but I am sincerely hoping they will thank me for it later in life.......(could be dreaming).
This has led to the realisation that the spit-fire temper that I had as child has not really disappeared as I had thought. It is not even that far from the surface at times, so I have been working to lengthen my fuse.
Tough gig that one. If something is burnt, black and falling to pieces, it is pretty hard to put it back together. But that is what I have been attempting to do.
This morning I read a lovely Wayne Dyer quote, "BE the peace and harmony you desire". Gorgeous. Lets just be that peace and harmony shall we - can someone tell my children?
Actually, it did help me as it reminded me that I have a choice in every moment to be calm. It is just about finding the right techniques to blow out the flame that has ignited the fuse. I vowed that this week I would read the chapter in Buddhism for Mothers on anger and send out some help via this blog. It is Thursday and I am still waiting to find the time..... Will definitely post some techniques on fuse lengthening when I get a chance.
Make a choice right now, be the peace and harmony you desire. And with a little Seinfield laugh, shout it out - Serenity NOW! :-)
28 January 2010
12 January 2010
What space are you playing in?
Well, have I had some personal growth over the last two days! Sunday morning I woke up full of the joy of life. You know what I mean, you wake up feeling happy and amazed at how fantastic your life is and excited by what the day will bring. It was one of those magic days where I managed to go for a relaxing run, play with the kids, do some jobs around the house and in the garden and just thoroughly enjoyed the lifestyle my hubbie and I have created.
I was patient and kind to my children, reveled in my husband's joy of watching his favourite sport on television, and nothing was a problem. No dramas, no tension, no annoyance - none of those so called negative emotions. And, gladly, I took the opportunity to enjoy every moment.
Don't worry all of you who are about to throw up with the cherry-ripe sweet, perfection of it all, the bubble is about to burst!
Monday morning, I woke up CRANKY! I mean, really feral. Just unhappy with everything and with such a short fuse. Frustrated by the kids not listening, annoyed at trying to get things organised and just not "winning", if you know what I mean. Everyone seemed to be making demands of me and I couldn't get anything done. After giving into my anger and frustration for a while, I stopped and thought about the difference from the previous morning.
What was the difference? I had the same amount of sleep (which we all know is a big mood changer if you don't get enough!), I had eaten well both days, nothing had changed that I was aware of, so what was it? It is all about your state of mind and space you are playing in. I had a good look at the thoughts that were roaming through my mind and my reactions to situations. They were much more negative and "me" focussed. All about me not getting my way. As my mother always says, "we are all two year olds, it is just a thin veneer". So, I realised, I was just having a tantrum. And I was letting my mind continue to brood on the negativity.
This brought the poignant realisation that it is much easier to be a calm, gorgeous, caring parent when your head space is one of happiness and peace. When you are challenged emotionally, and are able to step back and label those emotions rather than allow yourself to be consumed by them, then you become an amazing parent. I drew on some of the techniques that Sarah Napthali discusses in her book as well as the strategies I have learnt through my qualifications in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and started to manage my emotional state. I labelled the emotions as they arose, I considered my internal thoughts, I enacted a dumping strategy (or five) and took time to do some things that bring my joy.
It took time, patience and an awful lot of non-judgement but I am happy to say that by the end of the day, I was playing in a much better space. Where are you playing today?
I was patient and kind to my children, reveled in my husband's joy of watching his favourite sport on television, and nothing was a problem. No dramas, no tension, no annoyance - none of those so called negative emotions. And, gladly, I took the opportunity to enjoy every moment.
Don't worry all of you who are about to throw up with the cherry-ripe sweet, perfection of it all, the bubble is about to burst!
Monday morning, I woke up CRANKY! I mean, really feral. Just unhappy with everything and with such a short fuse. Frustrated by the kids not listening, annoyed at trying to get things organised and just not "winning", if you know what I mean. Everyone seemed to be making demands of me and I couldn't get anything done. After giving into my anger and frustration for a while, I stopped and thought about the difference from the previous morning.
What was the difference? I had the same amount of sleep (which we all know is a big mood changer if you don't get enough!), I had eaten well both days, nothing had changed that I was aware of, so what was it? It is all about your state of mind and space you are playing in. I had a good look at the thoughts that were roaming through my mind and my reactions to situations. They were much more negative and "me" focussed. All about me not getting my way. As my mother always says, "we are all two year olds, it is just a thin veneer". So, I realised, I was just having a tantrum. And I was letting my mind continue to brood on the negativity.
This brought the poignant realisation that it is much easier to be a calm, gorgeous, caring parent when your head space is one of happiness and peace. When you are challenged emotionally, and are able to step back and label those emotions rather than allow yourself to be consumed by them, then you become an amazing parent. I drew on some of the techniques that Sarah Napthali discusses in her book as well as the strategies I have learnt through my qualifications in NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming) and started to manage my emotional state. I labelled the emotions as they arose, I considered my internal thoughts, I enacted a dumping strategy (or five) and took time to do some things that bring my joy.
It took time, patience and an awful lot of non-judgement but I am happy to say that by the end of the day, I was playing in a much better space. Where are you playing today?
10 January 2010
Don't do what I do, do what I say
It has been an interesting couple of weeks post-Christmas. We have been fortunate enough to have lots of family time and even an escape to a holiday house for a week on the beach. Just divine. I have had time to do more reading, pondering and open brilliant conversations with my hubbie. That means lots of blogs to come....
One of the many ideas that I have cemented this holiday season is how ridiculous it is for us to expect our children not to do as we do, but do as we say. As a parent, I think it becomes obvious that a large part of how children learn is through copying and flat out parroting - combined with repetition. To expect them to be able to discern which of our behaviour to copy and which is "not ok" is quite exceptional. I know that we all have 'genius' children, but this could be taking it a little far....
I have reflected on some of those moments, for example, when I use the word "frickin" because I am really angry, rather than the other f word, just to hear my six year old repeat it back (and my four year old laugh whole heartedly). Of course I explain to them it is wrong, but that isn't really good enough, is it? So - I have stopped swearing, even pretend swearing like "froot loop". Help me!
Taking this further I have explored many occasions when it is ok for me to do something but not ok for them and why this is the case.What I have discovered, is being a great role model is the best way for me to instill the values I want to see in my children, rather than demanding for no good reason (other than I said so) that they should 'do' differently to me. It also helps me to be a better person. The joy of it all is that I hear my voice coming out of their mouths, my sense of humour, and my feelings about others. Who wouldn't want this to be of the best quality that it can be?
One of the many ideas that I have cemented this holiday season is how ridiculous it is for us to expect our children not to do as we do, but do as we say. As a parent, I think it becomes obvious that a large part of how children learn is through copying and flat out parroting - combined with repetition. To expect them to be able to discern which of our behaviour to copy and which is "not ok" is quite exceptional. I know that we all have 'genius' children, but this could be taking it a little far....
I have reflected on some of those moments, for example, when I use the word "frickin" because I am really angry, rather than the other f word, just to hear my six year old repeat it back (and my four year old laugh whole heartedly). Of course I explain to them it is wrong, but that isn't really good enough, is it? So - I have stopped swearing, even pretend swearing like "froot loop". Help me!
Taking this further I have explored many occasions when it is ok for me to do something but not ok for them and why this is the case.What I have discovered, is being a great role model is the best way for me to instill the values I want to see in my children, rather than demanding for no good reason (other than I said so) that they should 'do' differently to me. It also helps me to be a better person. The joy of it all is that I hear my voice coming out of their mouths, my sense of humour, and my feelings about others. Who wouldn't want this to be of the best quality that it can be?
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