Lost and Found

Had a fabulous night in with a dear girlfriend last night. We often share stories about our experience of motherhood, wife-hood, and balancing our personal passions in life. Something I know to be true is that motherhood (parenthood) has been my making and also my undoing.

Hence, I started to think about how I am in the "lost and found" box at the local swimming pool. I have lost myself in parenthood and also found myself. Tacky? Cliched? Let me explain.

I lost my independence starting at 6 months pregnant when I couldn't move the way I wanted. I found my sense of joy in knowing that I was making a little person inside my body.

I lost my desire for an exciting career and found the desire for a good night's sleep to be so much more important.

I lost my status of breadwinner in the family home and found I could actually rely on others, and it was ok.

I lost myself, my identity as a feminist, a professional, a "successful" woman and found the peace of an afternoon in the sun, the joy of actually getting something done like a clean load of washing on the line.

And again, I lost my independence, my ability to be selfish, to do what I want when I want without considering anyone else. And found that my mother was true, we are all 2 year olds having tantrums when we can't have our way, it is a very thin veneer. I also found that it is better to share the experience of life and to see it in a completely different light, interpreted through those childish eyes that we have forgotten we once had.

I have lost my sense of self, passion and purpose. I found my joy, resilience, and mental toughness.

And what is life but the love we have for each other?

I will not wait for the children to fly the nest before reclaiming my journey in life. I will find the balance of my personal passion and my responsibilities in order to give them an interesting mother.

Children need interesting mothers.