What is your parenting philosophy?

I had one of those transforming conversations last week. The kind where a gentle light bulb goes off in your head. An 'aha' moment. I was chatting to my mum about my parenting and how I had recently felt judged for the way in which I cared for my children.

Let's take a moment to be candid - I too have been guilty of judging others. I don't like feeling judged and yet I sometimes find myself making judgments about other parents. Not good. I am a work in progress on rectifying that one.

Anyway, the comment about my parenting was made by a good friend of mine with great intentions and I wasn't particularly upset by it, but it did cause me some reflection. It gave me pause to assess my beliefs about parenting and what is at the core of my approach. I don't think we get enough time to actually reflect on our parenting, we are too busy doing it!

My mother and I talked about her theory of "keep pouring the love in and it will come out again somewhere, sometime". I love this concept. And I have to admit that it did work for my siblings and I. We are all very caring and compassionate individuals (if I do so say myself). My 'aha' moment came when I realised that I had to be true to myself. I had to be true to my beliefs about the world and what I am wanting from my relationship with my children. I fundamentally believe in the power of compassion.

I have reframed the parenting approach and call it "kindness". I am acting with kindness towards my children. When I start to feel frustrated and annoyed, I take a check of my emotions, calm my mind, and put on my kind voice. The kinder I am to my children, the kinder they will be to each other, their friends and hopefully, over time, the wider community (well, that is the plan).

And why not give it a try! I feel so much better for catching myself and thinking "kindness". This parenting philosophy makes me feel good about the way I treat my children, provides me with many more opportunities for connecting with them on a personal level and building those relationships which will be critical once I hit the chaos of the teenage years.

I still have boundaries - it is not about allowing them to behave badly - it is about addressing those issues with compassion and a quiet voice. I have already seen much improvement in their responses to me. After all, one of the main ways they learn is through modelling behaviour.

I think through why they might be acting the way that they are. It could be that they are tired, over stimulated, haven't eaten enough. There are always a myriad of reasons why children behave badly and it is rare that it is out of some vindictive need to torment their mother no matter how often it feels that must be the case.

Over the past week I have been considerably more attentive to their needs and finding that they are much more considerate of mine (could be imagining things...).

I'll keep you posted as to how it goes, but my husband and I have had a great chat about it and we are agreed. Our parenting approach is first and foremost "kindness". Pour in the love!